It has taken me a bit to write this last update. I am so glad the treatments are all done, but I will miss writing to you, which is one of the things I love most in the world; to write, to relate, to tell story.
The way creative expression works for me is that when I know what, I must swim in the great ocean of not knowing when. Conversely, when I know when, then the what is a surprise. For example, the classes I offer; I know when they will occur, but I never know what will happen until it happens. This allows for something greater than myself to come through and the relationship of all involved to affect the experience and outcome. So with this final update I knew what and I have been waiting for the when and here we are.
I am done. I have completed the process of surgery and radiation and I am free of cancer. I cannot say I am back to normal because prior to the discovery of my tumor on December 4th, I was a wreck of a human being full of sorrow and confusion. I was depressed and languishing, using drugs and alcohol to avoid the emotions that blanketed traumas from my past deep seeded in my bones. I was slipping into a deep dark hole and my coping mechanisms were the ropes pulling me down deeper and faster.
This may come as a surprise since it isn’t the typical description of someone who is in the profession of the healing arts, but I also hope that it doesn’t come as a surprise because I try my best to be as honest as I can with myself and others.
Having cancer became a pilgrimage and while traveling through this valley of shadows and ghosts, I slowly untethered myself from those ties that bound me to my suffering. The untethering continues and I am grateful to be a student of teaching these practices because I have needed much healing and still do. If you are reading this, most likely you do too and that makes us family.
I have been a seeker since I was a babe. I have been asking the tragically beautiful, beautifully tragic questions since I could talk. From the beginning, this life has been a series of injuries. I have journeyed through the process of cleaning many wounds. I have cultivated the temperance to witness the healing of this body, mind, and heart. This is a process of transformation. By healing in this life, I become a healer, as do you.
From the deepest places in my heart, gratitude for you arises. I am at your service. I listen for you, I look for you. I trust that we are here to care for each other. See you soon.